My Diagnosis

I was very lucky. My skin, my weight loss, anxiety,  just getting over Mono at the age of 34 and a pretty smart Family Practice Dr. diagnosed me before my results came back. Sad thing is I was working for a family practice dr and hate to complain but told him for 6 months something was wrong. I lost 30 lbs, my skin was darkening, I was so Short of Breath just rolling over in bed took it all from me. My doctor needed me to work so he dismissed it as depression/anxiety.. told me to go see a pysch. This photo was taken two days before I was diagnosed. I can't remember levels but I remember an ACTH of 2500. I was sick. 

What started out as a photography blog......

Has become a Journal i.pray one day my girls will read and maybe understand somethings there Mama went thru, its also about being diagnosed w a chronic illlness that affects your.daily life and hopefully thru my experiences and the experiences of my fellow AddisonIans maybe we can help just one.person. Let me make.myself clear....i am.far from expert. I still.rely on my friends for.answers.and comfort. I still battle.this daily. But with Christ beside.you if you'll allow him and be obedient to.his word, all things will work out to the glory of God.

http://findinglana.blogspot.com/

My favorite Addison's writer. She has been through so much and if you're here whether you have it or are caring for someone who does, please read her blog, you can't put it down. I love Lana, you've helped me so much.

Before Diagnosis

One of the major signs of Adrenal Insufficiency/Addison's Disease is "tan skin". It hyperpigments your skin. My friend, Ashley Moyer and I, went to the beach for a day or two when we first got our cameras to practice and just have fun. I remember trying to walk on the beach was like running up hill as fast as I could. I couldn't breath. I was black in the pictures. I remember poor Ashley trying to adjust her camera settings. She said, "I can't even see you you're so tan". I hadn't been to the beach or tanning bed in over a yr. I guess in my brain I thought I'd been so much it just stuck LOL!

If I'd only known. All photos are by Ashley Moyer.

Go away Addison.

It's been so long since I've posted anything much on here. Maybe by blogging some of my thoughts, it will help in my healing process. Some of you know, some don't, I was diagnosed with Addison's Disease 3 yrs ago. It's a rare endocrine disorder that has destroyed my soul. Only because I've let it. As my friend Lana, puts it, http://findinglana.blogspot.com, "What is Addison's Disease in a layman's description?

Adrenaline is the hormone that can also be understood as fuel. It is created by our Adrenal Glands. Instead of us having to go buy fuel for our bodies, we have this amazing petrol/adrenaline station built right in our body so we can replenish ourselves as needed. If we would like to be environmentally correct, for those of us with Addison's, our solar panels are cracked and are no longer capable of storing up the energy our body requires for survival. Our power is dimming, so we will need synthetic energy through medications. The power factory is inside the adrenal glands and they send out miraculous adrenaline in appropriate releases. It's a wondrous system. It's a life-sustaining event that most people remain clueless about their entire lives. A silent, but indescribable system goes to work every day in your body, without a plug, without a reminder and without notice.

In the morning, your natural adrenaline levels are at their highest level. God is ultra-cool. He thought of all these scenarios with stress that we might encounter and he created us to be able to handle such things ourselves. Well, that takes properly working adrenals. Yes, our bodies are precise little boogers. High levels of adrenaline are normal early in the morning and this makes great sense. The levels are high because you are going to need a lot of fuel to wake up, get going and start your day. It's a dose being released into your body that says, "WAKE THE HECK UP!!! LET'S GET GOING!"

Some people may not feel as if their adrenaline levels are adequate...we've all felt drained at times, whether we have Addison's Disease or not. But, the Adrenals do their part to get your butt into gear. Someone might be rebellious; they push the alarm clock snooze button a few times and feel like a log that can't be moved. An important note is that we all have to confront the fact that our actions affect our bodies in a major way. If we stay up past midnight and need to wake up at 6:00am sharp, there's going to be a problem and your naturally released adrenaline is not going to be sufficient. Staying up late, watching movies, Facebooking or working overtime ---- whatever ---- if it affects your internal-clock and it will have an eventual consequence. Such is life.

If things are going on schedule and the person's adrenals work appropriately, many people hit the ground running in the morning and they go, go, go, until, evening approaches. Strangely, as the day wears onward, our wondrous bodies do something that is really cool...it automatically tapers the production of adrenaline to the bare basics so that our body can slow down and relax. Adrenaline levels are drastically reduced so the body will be able to eventually go to sleep for a good night's rest. So, adrenaline level measurements are starkly different from morning to night, and, if you are "normal," you NEVER have to think about any of this because your body takes over to handle it all. We have various auto-pilots throughout our incredible body; our adrenals are a big part of that system and it's easy to take it forgranted. Until, one day, those adrenals malfunction. The results are often devastating. For some, it means death. For me and for my Addisonian brothers and sisters, this means we have been forced to sit in the pilot seat and remain constantly vigilant so we don't crash..

If you have Addison's Disease, you must learn to "pilot" your body. It's a disease that has many storms to maneuver through and mountains to avoid...you can't have an endocrinologist at your side at all times, so you must be capable of listening for "engine" trouble, you must be in tune with the signals that deserve your attention for self-treatment. After you get your prescription with some extra pills in the bottle for those necessary "stress" doses during battling a cold, stomach virus, getting a kitchen burn, etc. you'll soon learn that self-dosing adjustments is key with Addison's Disease. Don't expect to get a bottle of pills and to "take two" per day and that's that. Noooooo. Far from it. Unfortunately, everyone has stress, physiological and emotional stress that appear, often without warning, on a rather regular basis.

However, before Addison's Disease, you just didn't have to think about anything but the added stress topic itself. Now, you must first think of YOU so that you can continue living and be healthy through stressful event - since your auto-pilot is broken, your medication can help in this battle. But, you must use your medication properly. Under-dosing can be a critical mistake. Your body, in times of stress, must get the proper dose to ward off an Addisonian Crisis. As I've said before, this is a trip that you don't want to make. Avoid it. Don't let denial be your downfall. Increase your meds as appropriate for your situation. You must make adjustments to meet your constantly changing needs - from pills to injections. As needed. If you favor sitting, standing and walking - even breathing - the Addisonian will seriously think about adrenal gland issues. They have learned that they must get their adrenaline from a synthetic form. Mainly, this will be some form of steroids.

Those of us with Addison's develop a regimented prescription plan for replacement hormone therapy in part by steroids, prednisone, hydrocortisone, etc. and for us...we are not getting anything extra out of steroids...we simply take the dose that the body normally would have provided. An Addison's patient needs their steroid supplements so their body can FUNCTION; those steroids, for the Addison's patient, is not sufficient for us to be home-run perfect. Our body is lacking this hormone. We aren't adding more to a current storehouse; our storehouse is empty so we are putting in replacement dosages. In fact, for many with Addison's Disease, we just want to take our meds, then be able to walk into the stadium and make it to our seat. A few of us will still be hitting some home-runs."

Finding her blog was a Godsend. Daily struggles, denial that you're not ever who you used to be, no energy, and I know everyone struggles with lack of energy but this is unexplainable. You'd have to be me for a day to begin to grasp the exhaustion. Realizing you'll never be who you used to be physically and sometimes mentally, is devastating. I've was diagnosed close to 3 yrs ago. I have yet learned to accept this. I refuse to but I know I have to. I want my energy back, I want to play ball again, I want to be so very active in my children's lives like I used to, I want to coach their teams again, I want so much. BUT, I'm trying to be patient, Be still and listen. God is teaching me patience. I don't want to learn it but I am. My friend Lana, says she was in denial 8 years before she learned to become content in her new body God had given her. And I think about it and I am being selfish. There are so many people out there diagnosed with chronic illnesses that aren't as lucky as I am. At least I can take meds, take them for rest of my life to live each day but I get to live. Some don't. Some are devastated by diagnosis of cancer, and other things and aren't lucky enough to get to live. Once again, quoting a wonderful writer, Lana, "There is a mourning involved with knowing the old you is gone. Yes, a huge part of yourself --- your core identity --- it's still there, but the core identity no longer has the same body as its partner. It's as if you are divorced from part of your self or a part of you has died. So, you go through all of the same emotions of mourning a unbelievable loss and it's just so darn hard to believe that things will never the same again. " I am getting help now in dealing with all this. I WILL learn to be happy and live again, not only for me, but for my darling girls, family and friends. I will learn to be content and happy in this body life threw at me. I love photography. But I haven't loved much of anything lately. I feel maybe if I blog and post pictures, it can be therapy for me and help people understand how I feel. In no way am I trying to draw attention to myself or have anyone feel sorry for me. This is for ME, my therapy............and secondly for my daughters, Carlee, Allie and Raegan who have watched their mom deteriorate over the past few years into someone they don't know anymore. I love you baby girls, Mama is going to get better. I hope by blogging and explaining how I feel day to day will help you all understand better how I feel and understand this disease a little better. I love you all so much!

Missing her

It's still so hard to believe she's gone. I found this picture as Allie and I were cleaning up her room. It's Aunt Sharon holding Allie. I remember the night when she offered to "babysit" HA!
As many of you know, Sharon never had children and it WAS by choice. She was so full of energy and such a freebird she never wanted them but loved us and mine. Well Mama and I were going to the Christmas parade with Carlee, she was 2. So Auntie said" I'll babysit!" After we warned her that Allie was the worst baby in the world, she said, "I can handle it". Fifteen minutes after we left, she was at my Grandmothers with Allie. LOL

I finally made EXPLORE on Flickr!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!

I know you're like What the heck is she talking about? Well it's a pretty cool honor among photographers on the www.flickr.com where the best of the best go to post photos. This may better explain it. (Yes, I copied and pasted from another website this brief article):

"For many photographers, a place on Flickr’s Explore page is the ultimate prize. It’s an acknowledgment that their work can stand among the best on the site, that it is indeed “interesting,” and that they are an important part of the community.

And of course, it can bring a massive surge of views to their image and their photostream.

So what does it take to improve the chances that a photo will be highlighted as one of the most interesting uploaded in the last seven days?

To Be “Interesting,” a Photo Must Generate Interest
The simple answer is that other people have to like it. Flickr itself has no way of assessing a photo; it can only react to the interest the Flickr community has already shown in it. As Serguei Mourachov, a Flickr staff member and part of the team responsible for creating the Explore page algorithm, told us:

“We are looking for what’s attracting [the] attention of our community and not just for nicely arranged pixels.”

That means that to reach the Explore page, a photo has to have gathered views, comments and been faved. Each of these actions has a different weight in the algorithm and the weighting is adjusted regularly."

The picture that made it was one I did at Cheryl Cook's home when I was doing some Christmas pictures of her children. It was funny, they wouldn't sit still in the rocking chairs and I didn't get but one or two good ones of them in those things but I happen to look back, the sun hit just right, and my "eye" saw the picture. I snapped it and WOO HOO! I finally made explore. And a special thanks to Kim Patrick, my co-worker and friend, and her mother, Sharon, for loaning me the chairs! OK, I'm done being over excited. Thanks now!